


of longings and being idiots

by madleidy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, i alternately call this fic Sugawara Koushi is an Angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 09:29:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4516665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madleidy/pseuds/madleidy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Walking down the streets of Tokyo while thinking about the boy he has been in love with for the longest time might not have been a good idea for Kuroo Tetsurou. He is not sure if this is fate or coincidence or whatever it is that loves to play with him, but the boy he has been thinking about is right across the street, waving to him. It is as if his thoughts summoned him into existence.</p><p>Seeing Sawamura Daichi while thinking about Sawamura Daichi is a bit hard because it is different from controlling his emotions when seeing the Daichi in his mind and seeing the real Daichi on the street. He so wants to wave back at Daichi because it seems that he recognizes him, but no, Kuroo cannot do it right now. His emotions are on the brim and on the verge of overflowing. He cannot do this. Not here. Not now.</p><p>And so, Kuroo Tetsurou runs from the boy he loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of longings and being idiots

**Author's Note:**

  * For [viria](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viria/gifts), [pyrodynamo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrodynamo/gifts).



> okay, i was inspired. again.
> 
> i offer this work to the ship mother, Viria. because of her, i'm in this hell.
> 
> i also offer this work to Nush because her wonderful writing does so many things to me and obviously she inspires me so much.
> 
> also to Kyu, because this is based from one of our twit conversations before.
> 
> i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it! :)

Walking down the streets of Tokyo while thinking about the boy he has been in love with for the longest time might not have been a good idea for Kuroo Tetsurou. He is not sure if this is fate or coincidence or whatever it is that loves to play with him, but the boy he has been thinking about is right across the street, waving to him. It is as if his thoughts summoned him into existence.

Seeing Sawamura Daichi while thinking about Sawamura Daichi is a bit hard because it is different from controlling his emotions when seeing the Daichi in his mind and seeing the real Daichi on the street. He so wants to wave back at Daichi because it seems that he recognizes him, but no, Kuroo cannot do it right now. His emotions are on the brim and on the verge of overflowing. He cannot do this. Not here. Not now.

And so, Kuroo Tetsurou runs from the boy he loves.

\--

It is stupid, Daichi thinks, as he lies down on the bed of his apartment, waiting for Suga, that Kuroo saw him then ran away from him.

It was definitely Kuroo, right? That unmistakable jet black hair that seems like he even does not bother to comb after getting up, that brooding look that comes off as intimidating but is actually just something he cannot control, and those eyes, yes, those eyes that are as dark as the night that sucks out all of Daichi's air in his lungs.

Yeah, it was definitely Kuroo Tetsurou. But why did he run away? He saw Daichi, right? They locked eyes and Daichi's breath was knocked out of him, of course he saw Daichi. But why did he run away?

Suga's voice tugs him away from his thoughts and Daichi gets up. He hears his friend-slash-roommate talking, but nothing is getting through him. Thankfully, Suga is very sensitive.

"Daichi," he says, in that tone that reminds him of his mom, "Are you okay? I've been telling you dinner's ready three times now."

"O-oh," is all he can muster. His thoughts are still drowning in the currents of Kuroo Tetsurou.

Suga shakes his head and smiles fondly at him. "You can tell me anything, you know."

Suddenly Daichi's whirlpool of thoughts stops and he looks at Suga. And then it clicks. _Of course._

Of course, he can tell anything to Suga.

Daichi stares at him, trying to weave his thoughts into words, opening then closing his mouth, and finally gives up. How can he tell this to Suga? After all, this is such a petty thing to get so worked up on.

He tries again and settles into saying, "It's nothing, I'm just tired from going to the campus. Our university sure is big!" He adds that last bit in the hopes of getting Suga off his back. In the mean time.

Of course Suga catches that and does not let him off. "Daichi."

He is caught. Of course he knows that. Why does he even think that Suga will not notice? After all, Suga can read him with such ease, like he has an X-ray vision of Daichi's thoughts. Sometimes it is useful, sometimes it is not.

Like right now.

"Daichi," Suga tries again, this time with more force.

He sighs. "Fine, fine. I'm going to tell you. But don't laugh at me, okay?"

"Why would I laugh at you?" Suga asks as he sits beside him.

"Just. Hear me out first," he says. He takes a deep breath and just plunges, "I saw Kuroo today and I waved at him and he ran away."

It takes five full seconds before Suga bursts out laughing.

"Hey, I told you not to laugh!"

But Suga's laughter is as infectious as his smile and now Daichi is laughing too. At the back of his mind, Daichi realizes how stupid he must have sounded.

Still, something in his chest aches as he sees Kuroo's retreating back in his mind.

\--

Kuroo arrives at his house weak-kneed, not from the running he just did, but from seeing Daichi. In Tokyo. Waving at him.

He goes to his room and flops down on his bed, thinking about how he fell for Karasuno's former volleyball boys' club captain.

It all started with his teasing. At first, he did it just for the heck of it.

Seeing Sawamura being all flustered and away from his usual composed self was truly enjoying. Soon, Kuroo found himself wanting to see more of that. He wanted to coax Daichi into showing more emotions through all his taunts and jeers. He wanted to see if he could turn Daichi's face red from embarrassment, he wanted to hear Daichi stutter a comeback, he wanted to be close to Daichi.

He wanted Daichi.

In all of their practice matches with Karasuno, whether it was in Tokyo or in Sendai, Kuroo made an extra effort to have Daichi's attention directed at him. He was successful most of the time.

He is not sure when exactly he fell for Daichi. But one day, he just woke up and all his feelings came crashing down on him and all so suddenly it is all _Sawamura, Daichi, Sawamura_ in his head. All so suddenly, he yearned for Daichi.

Now Daichi is in Tokyo, probably for university, and Kuroo's feelings resurface, and he is lost in this labyrinth of longing, trapped and cannot find his way out.

All his feelings that have been pushed down are rising back up and he cannot squash them back down. Seeing Daichi today made the feelings stronger by tenfold and just thinking about it makes Kuroo weak at the knees.

For the nth time, Kuroo is reminded of how much he loves him.

He turns on his bed and closes his eyes, hoping he will be all right tomorrow.

All he sees in his sleep is Daichi.

\--

Suga wakes him early the next morning to get ready for their first day of university.

Daichi sluggishly makes his way for the bathroom and turns on the faucet. As he splashes cold water on his face, he recalls what Suga has told him last night.

_"If you see him again, don't just wave, approach him. Nothing's going to happen if you do things at a distance."_

He knows Suga was saying something more than he let on, but Daichi decides to follow his advice. Well, if he sees Kuroo again, that is.

Once he is prepared for his first day of class as a Biology student, he again thinks of Kuroo. He shakes his head. He can think of Kuroo later. Right now, he needs to go to class and study.

His first day has been uneventful, except for almost being late to his last class because he got lost in his thoughts about Kuroo again.

He is waiting for Suga at the university gym's lockers when someone comes in. He is going to greet that person but stops because it is none other than Kuroo Tetsurou.

They stare at each other long enough for Daichi to become aware of his heart seeming to want to get out of his chest, and his want to pull Kuroo down and kiss the hell out of him.

The thing is, Daichi has been in love with Kuroo since- he is not sure since when. All he knows is just he loves this boy who seems to love teasing him to the point of embarrassment.

Looking back, it might be what caused him to love Kuroo in the first place. The first few times were really annoying, sure, but after that, he always looked forward to it every time they had a practice match against Nekoma. He always waited for that moment when Kuroo would walk up to him and casually point out whatever was wrong with his face that day or comment on how good his play was. Whatever Kuroo would say to him, he always looked forward to. Especially their captain's hand shake, because he got to hold Kuroo's hand even for the briefest time.

Unaware of what he is doing, Daichi stands and walks up to Kuroo. He just wants to be near him, it is like there is an invisible black hole sucking him in or an invisible gravity pulling him close to Kuroo. Outside, he hears Suga's voice and suddenly the spell is broken and he just walks past the boy he loves and goes straight to Suga.

Has Daichi ever said that Suga is an angel? How many times has Suga saved him from doing anything stupid?

He wobbles towards Suga and one quick look at the situation and Suga understands. He greets Daichi and apologizes for being late because his professor kept on talking and talking and did not look at the time. When Daichi is near enough, Suga puts an arm on his shoulder to support him, seeing he cannot stand straight the way he is right now.

"Are you okay? What happened?" he whispers to his ear.

Daichi has never been thankful to Suga enough. "I'll tell you later. Just. Go and change now, I'm going ahead."

"Sure. Okay."

Suga releases him and he walks to the gym, where most of the university's team is assembling.

He realizes what he was doing earlier and he has never been so relieved in his life.

\--

Kuroo's thoughts are a flurry of Daichi.

Not only is he in Tokyo but he also goes to the same university and he is on the same team as him.

Is this bad? Kuroo asks himself as he changes to practice clothes. Most probably, yes, because how can he concentrate on playing if he is distracted by Daichi's face, Daichi's smile, Daichi's play, and just the whole of Daichi?

There is also his former vice-captain who is too close to Daichi and it is making him uncomfortable. Is this what jealousy feels like? A gnawing on the chest, clenching of the jaws as well as the fists, wanting to yell?

If it is indeed jealousy, Kuroo does not want to do anything with it.

Speaking of Daichi's former vice-captain, he walks inside the locker room and starts to change.

Kuroo picks his pace up a bit because he is not sure if being near with - Sugawara, is it? - will be good. Not now, with all his thoughts storming at him like this.

He is pulled out of his thoughts by Sugawara's voice. No, his light laugh. He sounds like an angel.

"Hey," Sugawara starts. "I kind of know what's going on here and I really don't want to meddle with whatever is on Daichi's mind, but if you can, please don't ignore him."

"Why?" Kuroo asks, clueless of what is going on.

Sugawara looks straight into Kuroo's eyes and his light brown gaze pierces through Kuroo's resolve and okay, he is not jealous of this guy. He is terrified of him. He might look and sound like an angel, but he is an intense guy and Kuroo feels like he should not go against him.

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say it. But please don't ignore Daichi. He somehow manages to be a mess when you do."

No, he is going to go against this guy. He is not sure what he is capable of doing for Daichi's sake, but this is for Kuroo's mental health. This guy has no clue whatsoever of what his friend does to Kuroo's mind, so no, he is still going to ignore Daichi. This is for the best.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you're talking about," he says and goes out of the locker room and straight to the gym.

He bumps into someone as he goes through the door and it is Daichi and he is thrown off balance once again.

This feels like it will take a long time before he gets used to seeing Daichi every day and wanting to pull him in and run away from him at the same time.

\--

It has been almost three months since that fateful first day at practice and Daichi is still hung up on Kuroo's actions towards him.

"I'm pretty sure he's ignoring me," Daichi says as Suga cleans up their dinner. "Every time we get close enough, he goes away," he looks at Suga and asks, "I don't understand, why is he avoiding me?"

The thing is: their practices have been smooth when they are on the court. But once they step out of the lines separating the court and the benches, their connection disappears abruptly, like there has never been a connection at all. Daichi is always left wanting to reach out to Kuroo. Actually, he is always left wanting Kuroo. It is hard.

"Why are you so bothered by that, Daichi?" Suga asks, looking at Daichi with those knowing eyes.

"I-I'm not! I just find it weird, okay? We've always talked before, so why isn't he talking to me now?"

"Let me tell you something, Sawamura Daichi."

He gulps. When Suga says his full name, he is serious, like not-giving-up-playing-on-the-court serious. "Y-yes?"

"You love him, don't you?"

And just like that, Daichi's world is spinning and Suga's voice echoes through his head. Next thing he knows, he is seated on the couch with a glass of water offered to him.

"I guess I don't need an answer. Your reaction is enough," Suga states. Then he laughs that angelic laugh again. The cause of that laugh is not so angelic.

He stares at Suga.

"For how long did you know?" he asks weakly.

"Since last year."

Daichi is dumbfounded. Has he been that obvious?

"Come on, Daichi. You can't hide anything from me. Besides, when it comes to Kuroo, you're different."

He cannot argue with that. He knows it himself; he _is_ different when Kuroo is around.

Because seeing Kuroo around means butterflies in his stomach. Because seeing Kuroo around means wild heart beats on his chest. Because seeing Kuroo around means everything in Daichi's eyes is beautiful and wonderful.

Yes, he has fallen so hard for Kuroo and even if his feelings are not returned, he is happy loving him from a distance.

It leaves a dull ache in his chest, but it is all he can do.

He is a coward like that.

\--

It takes a great effort to avoid Daichi because suddenly he is everywhere. In the cafeteria eating with Sugawara, in the library studying alone or with Sugawara, in the hallways going to class. Daichi is everywhere and it drives Kuroo out of his mind.

Of course he tries to run away even before Daichi notices him. Tough luck for him, though, Daichi always sees him first and smiles that genuine smile that pulls on Kuroo's heartstrings and he is falling deeper and deeper and he cannot get out.

Not that he wants to get out.

Loving Daichi like this is like treading bare-footed a path full of broken glass; he is bleeding at every step, but he still goes on.

It is frustrating to no end; sometimes it gets so tiring and Kuroo just wants the earth to swallow him whole just to get this all over with. He is so desperate to get away from Daichi and his too strong feelings for him, because honestly, he is terrified of what he might do once he gets too close to him.

His nightly calls to Kenma are made up of sighs and I-don't-know-what-to-do's, with Kenma just listening, like he has always been.

"Kenma, it's been five months. _Five._ I don't think I can do this anymore," he says. "I really need to stay away from him."

"Hmm." Kuroo knows that Kenma will not say anything to him, so he is surprised when Kenma starts talking. "You're making this too complicated, Kuroo. You've known each other from high school. You're technically friends. Why don't you just pick up what you two had back then?"

"It's hard to go back to that. After I've ignored him these past months? I don't think he's going to just accept me now."

"It doesn't hurt to try."

"It hurts without even trying."

"So you're fine with being like that?"

He ponders on what Kenma said and frankly, his answer is no.

He would rather take such a big risk and jump towards the unknown, into a place where a chance to be with Daichi hopefully exists.

"No," he says.

"You know what to do, then. Bye."

A plan starts to form in Kuroo's mind.

He needs a little help from Sugawara.

\--

Suga is hiding something from him, Daichi knows.

From the sudden change of his daily routine to his late-night phone calls, it is as obvious as the sun on a summer day. Suga has someone new in his life.

Daichi has ignored it the first week, but now that it has been going for a month, and he needs to confront Suga about it. He is not being possessive of his friend, of course. He just wants to know why he has been so secretive about it.

And so when Suga comes back in their apartment one Friday night, Daichi is waiting for him on the couch. He probably looks like a father waiting for his child to come home after curfew, but right now he does not care. He wants answers and he wants them now.

Suga, seeing him like that, immediately makes a beeline towards him. He offers an innocent smile to Daichi, silently asking.

He starts to talk, but Suga's phone rings and he raises an eyebrow at him. Suga smiles apologetically and answers it.

Daichi, for all his level-headedness, does something stupid. He yanks the phone from Suga's hand and talks to the person on the other line.

"Hello, this is Sawamura Daichi, Suga's friend. I'm sorry I have to talk to him right now, can you call later?"

"S-S-Sawamura?" The other person says, and it wipes the smug expression off Daichi's face. It is Kuroo.

"Kuroo? Is this- is this Kuroo Tetsu-?" He is cut off by the tone signaling the end of the call. He stares at Suga.

His friend plucks the phone from his hand and says, "I have some explaining to do."

"Yeah, right," he shoots back coldly.

"Daichi. Listen to me first before getting mad."

He breathes out an "okay" and Suga tells him how Kuroo had asked for his help in getting together with Daichi, how Kuroo insistently pleaded to keep this a secret from him, how Kuroo wanted to surprise him tomorrow, before they leave for a brief vacation in Miyagi.

The impact of what Suga has just said hit him like a gust of wind. If he has heard correctly, Suga had been helping Kuroo to get them together.

Has Daichi ever told anyone how Sugawara Koushi is an angel? Probably not. But he wants to scream it out to the world right now.

He also wants to punch his friend so hard.

More importantly, he wants to go to Kuroo at this time of night, go straight into his arms and kiss him breathless.

And finally tell him he loves him.

Amidst all his thoughts full of Kuroo and wanting Kuroo, he hears Suga's voice.

"He's outside, you know."

\--

Sugawara was supposed to just leave his things in his apartment because they were, for the last time, going to talk what will happen tomorrow before he and Daichi boards on the Shinkansen back to Sendai. But then he took too long to go back outside and Kuroo thought he fell asleep or something like that. So he called him and was surprised to hear Daichi.

Hearing Daichi say his name has knocked him off balance again. He has been getting better at reigning in his feelings, but hearing him say his name like he said it a thousand times a day, the way his name rolled off his tongue like it was the most delicate word to say, all of Kuroo's control went flying out the window.

Now he is sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall opposite Sugawara's apartment, still hearing Daichi's voice echoing through his ears.

"Sawamura. Sawamura. Sawamura," he whispers over and over again, like it is a mantra to calm down. In a way, it does calm him down.

He keeps saying that name, sometimes even saying "Daichi", just to keep his feelings at bay, restrain himself from barging in at Sugawara's apartment and just confess to Daichi. Just to get this all over with. Just to let this all out.

But he is terrified. Like a child who does not want to let go of the hands of their parents, Kuroo does not want to let go of the words he has been longing to say to Daichi.

Because despite what Sugawara has been saying to him, that Daichi does feel something for him, the fear of being rejected by Daichi claws at his heart and forms so much doubt in his mind. So he tries very hard to keep these feelings to himself.

And now he has failed.

Because he is filled to the brim and his feelings are spilling.

He is still murmuring Daichi's name when-

"Kuroo."

It is most likely that he is still hearing Daichi calling him, so he goes on chanting his love's name.

"Kuroo Tetsurou."

He stops because it is definitely not just in his mind.

It is Daichi's voice, whisper-calling him, voice so low and full of adoration, it makes Kuroo's heart stop and beat so hard at the same time.

Like how it is every day.

True enough, Daichi is crouching in front of him, smiling so gently, eyes sparkling like all the stars tonight are inside them.

"Hey," he says, reaching out his hand to cradle Kuroo's face.

And that is it; the dam inside him breaks and tears fall down his cheeks. He holds Daichi's hand in place and says his name over and over again, pouring every feeling he has for this boy who has captured his heart a year ago, hoping to get his I love yous across.

Soft lips replace his quiet cries and suddenly his world stops. All he can think about are those lips and how they kiss him like there is no tomorrow.

He kisses back with so much ferocity, using all his pent up emotions and feelings up to this moment and he is willing to let it all out.

And it looks like it is not only him who is doing it.

Daichi is kissing him, pushing and pulling at the same time, tugging at Kuroo's lower lip with his teeth, dragging his tongue across it like he has been waiting to do this for so long and now that he is doing it, he cannot get enough.

He is not sure how long they were doing that, but when they break apart, both breathless and flushed red, all they can do is rest at each other's foreheads and smile.

Kuroo caresses Daichi's cheek and says, "I'm such an idiot, aren't I?"

The laugh he offers him is music to Kuroo's ears. "We were both idiots."

"Yeah, we were."

And he is closing the gap between their lips again.

Kuroo Tetsurou wanted to run from Sawamura Daichi six months ago because he was terrified.

He is glad he took a plunge to the unknown and now Daichi has caught him and he is not planning on running away ever again.

He is happy being still like this, with Daichi in his arms and loving him back.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> comments are very much welcome. :)


End file.
